Words of The Lamb magazine

When Jonah was called to Nineveh,
Did he feel betrayal
Sting him like a dart,
Seeping in his chest?
As he sat inside the fish,
Trusting his Father was good,
Did a forbidden thought
Lurk in the shadows,
Wander into his mind,
And nag him
Until he couldn’t help but look
At the question,
Why doesn’t God’s plan feel good?
And when he did plague himself
By looking that question in the eyes,
Did guilt pour from his heart,
Tightening his chest,
Pouring from his eyes,
Lying to him that he was worthless?
God had assigned him a role
And his nature fought it.
God knit Jonah together in his mother’s womb,
Intending for him to preach in Nineveh,
Yet when God revealed the role to his servant,
Did Jonah wonder why it had to be him?
Why did every other child
Get a more comfortable role
In the kingdom?

Did anger tempt Esther’s heart,
When she realized why God gifted her
Such physical beauty?
Her actions in scripture
Are selfless, humble, courageous, perfect.
But were those the only thoughts
Vying for her to fulfill them?
Was she immune to seeking personal comfort?
Or did she
Just once
Treat herself
To the pity:
How come no other Jews
Were created for such a time as this?
Was Abraham overwhelmed with jealousy
When he left his homeland
In response to You?
As he began walking away,
Could he stand to look at other Jews,
Comfortably remaining
Because You were fine with them remaining?
And later when You asked him
To give up what he loved most,
What he waited ninety years for,
Did the jealousy plague him again,
Thinking about how You wouldn’t take the sons
Away from other men?
Did he allow himself to feel confused?
Or was his faith too unshakable?

Because the stories don’t show Daniel trembling
Walking into the lions ’den.
But he had to have been scared, right?
Did he ever
Consider
Not praying
To stay safe?
Or did he just believe so deeply
That he was safer under Your protection?
Did he ever indulge the doubt
That Your plan may not be the best?
Did he truly believe, without waiver,
That it’s a blessing
His life isn’t in his control?

Because staring at this test,
It’s obvious what I have to do;
Guilt overcomes my mind
When I cast so much as a glance
In the other direction.
A part of me tries to pretend
I don’t understand the path You’ve illuminated;
A part of me tries to ignore
What You’ve placed on my heart.
But Your Spirit lays a weight on my chest

When I step off the path,
And the force that draws me
To the illuminated path
Is persistent
Because it knows
How much convincing I need;
I still give attention to the idea
That this plan is a betrayal,
To be asked to walk away from so much.
But the Spirit in me wrestles against my flesh,
Shoots me with guilt
Because Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego
Never seemed to waiver.

So is that the whole story?
For one night did they cry, in fear?
More than anything, I want
To prove my allegiance to you.
And You’ve gifted me the opportunity,
So why is it so hard
To figure out what to do?

I’ve read about Moses
Trying to back out
Of what You created him to do,
Which did not go over well with you.
I picture You looking down on me,
With the same expression infecting Your face,
Thousands of years later.
The expression that gives me no excuse
To let my pharaoh continue to enslave me.

I need surrender like Abraham
Courage like Esther
Strength like Moses (eventually)
And faith like all three.
Confidence like Daniel,
Bravery like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego,
And You’ve offered it all to me.
I know their secret;
It’s You.

So I’ll keep climbing toward the summit
Though my arms beg me to concede.

I want to keep fighting
Because You are my priority.
I know the path I’m supposed to walk down,
But my pace hasn’t been quick
Because I don’t know where it will take me,
But You’ll guide me,
Right?